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After ending a relationship you may go through many feelings; joy, despair, etc. It happens to everyone, but when it comes down to it, after either person wins the breakup, (i.e. who gets laid first after it’s over.) there is another question, who won the relationship? I’ve devised a simple equation to figure out just this.
First you find the typical going rate for intercourse from your local sex worker. I’ve concluded that due to the financial crisis and general malaise of the current economies of scale a typical street walking prostitute would charge, on average, about $50 for straight sex. Stick to the illegal prostitutes, because legal ones in Vegas and elsewhere simply charge outrageous rates.
Next, do a sweeping generalization of how many times you were able to copulate with your girlfriend during the relationship. This doesn’t have to be an exact number, just guesstimate. If you do know the exact number of times you had sex with your girlfriend, you’re either A. weird as hell or B. you’ve already lost the relationship and do not continue any further.
Multiply the number of times you had sex with your girlfriend times the current going rate of sex by way of prostitute. So let’s say you had sex 300 times during 1.5 years together. You would then have acquired $15,000 worth of sex in that short time. Congratulations you got your money’s worth.
Now, calculate the amount of money you spent on your girlfriend during the time the relationship was active. I know, this is extremely hard, that’s why I keep reciepts. But heres an easy template to go by.
(Average number of times you went out to dinner per week * number of weeks in relationship * $25(only her food and drink don’t count you’re own, this is a good average number, but if you only dine at Alto it will obviously be higher.) ) + (average cost of birthday presents * number of birthdays) +(average cost of christmas gifts * christmases) + (average number of nights at the bar per week * weeks in relationship * $40 (her average tab)) + (average times you drove way too far to see her * current gas prices (adjust for inflation, it’s key.)) + (average number of movies seen * $10 (or whatever you pay for movies.)) = The giant amount of money spent.
There’s plenty more items to add to this, such as the cost of birth control, if you use it, the morning after pill, any vacations etc. But you get the general idea.
Now all you need to do is subtract these two numbers. If the number’s negative you lost my friend. But if it’s positive pat yourself on the back. You’ve won sir.
All I know is I did this after my break up and found out a startling truth. I won.
And I won big.
**Girls just reverse the two amounts and there’s your indicator. This formula doesn’t discriminate based on gender.
